He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
