There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
