Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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