Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
