he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
