Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
