dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
