I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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