Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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