You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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