Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
