you're like a bully in the Christmas story
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
