i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She's not a foreskin expert like you
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
