I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
