So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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