How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
