All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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