I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
