We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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