Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
