a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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