I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your penis caused this!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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