So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
