if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
