Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i out mim tonsoeep
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
