So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
