In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
