i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
