I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
