What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
