so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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