I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
