I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
