Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
