life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
