porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
