Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
