Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
