Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
