I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
