I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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