Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
