There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
