Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
