that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
