she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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