I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
