apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
