I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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