I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
