cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
