My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
